Look, I can't cook AND take pictures.

But this pretty much tells the story.

And if you came to my house on Friday, and you didn't get enough to eat, I'm really, really sorry. Honestly. You people came hungry.

On the upside, I didn't have the guilt that comes with throwing away all the leftovers on day 3 when we can't look another plate of pasta salad in the face. Oh, and remember when we used to run out of beer at every party and have to take up a collection, and find a sober person* to make the run?

Ha ha. We're old. Anyone need some beer?

*Mom: I was always the sober person.

Here we are, still looking nothing alike.

You people told me that as she got older, she'd start looking more like me.

You lied.

Don't feel sorry for her. She gets it back in spades. And cookies.

I mean, if she didn't really want the attention, she'd just move, right?

Today at 4 O'clock, no one brought me a Grey Goose and Soda and frozen grapes on a stick. And I was sad.

Because you see, for 4 days, that very thing happened. It was our very own Walt Disney World. Except we called it "South Beach". And "The Awesome Delano Hotel". Particularly that last one.

Just look at this pool.


Don't my sister look relaxed? And not at all drunk.

At night the chaise lounges were pushed together to create beds. And all you needed to do to sit there was pay way too much money for a bottle of wine. We decided that our money was better spent at True Religon and Scoop NY. But it sure looked purty.

Here's me. Relaxed. Not drunk.

The rooms are all white. Which makes them beautiful, but sort of a pain to photograph. The only color in the room is a green apple that they leave you every day. And that I ate, every day.

I loved the sign over the gate. Just in case you were wondering what that big blue thing was over there, it's the sea.

And I'm pretty sure Amy was about to punch me in the nose if I said one more time "Anyone for a really big game of chess?"

As to why there are no pictures of the beach itself? Believe it or not, there was a raw sewage spill in Miami this past weekend. Yes. Raw. To be honest, Amy and I consider ourselves Pool People anyway, but if there was a chance of our heading out to the beach, that pretty much killed it.

I cannot say enough good things about this hotel. It was stunningly beautiful, the employees must have been brainwashed by Scientologists, because they were too nice to be believed, and even though it was hot, it was Florida hot. Which makes it sorta fun. Unless you believe your sister that something isn't really that far, and you find yourself drenched in sweat and unable to try anything on in Barney's Co-op, because you are too embarrassed that you might leak on something. So you stand there and pretend to look at purses until you've soaked in enough A/C to go to another store.

So now I'm home, tanned and rested. I think everyone is glad to see me, even though my extremely capable husband had everything under control. Although he could probably use a nap.

I guess it was just one of those days.

Sometimes, the urge to nap head down, is overwhelming.







...to everyone.

Maybe you guys aren't so bad, after all.

Ever feel like you are being followed?

The mystery of the other giraffes has been solved. Apparently, yes, for years we had 5 giraffes. Nature took it's course with most of them, but the last giraffe is living out its final days on a nature preserve in Northeast Ohio. Yes. I said Northeast Ohio. No, I didn't think that was the obvious place for a giraffe to retire, but the nice man in the khaki shirt said it was so.

I'm just glad that at no time in the conversation was the word "Glue" used.

I'm also thrilled that they don't seem so scared anymore - because honestly, they are my new favorite animal at the zoo. Aren't they pretty?

Learning Curve.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. World's worst blogger, checking in. The past two weeks have been full of craziness, with cars dying repeatedly, and the whole "Father's Day and Kevin's Birthday falling within a week of each other AGAIN" with movie dates and concerts and favorite burger joints and homemade pancakes [no man is as loved as he, for one long week in June - and might I remind you that at least I have the common decency to allow 7 weeks to pass between Mother's Day and my birthday, providing ample recovery...but that's neither here nor there.] and toddlers having their very first temper tantrum [You people have been holding out on me. Those are loud. Were you going to fill me in?] Anyway, we've been busy.

My observation of the day is thus: When it comes to Scarlett, I am always learning. And do you know what I learned today? Yogurt pretzels melt.